Family Planning
Some people start family planning as a kid and grow up dreaming of having a family and a certain number of kids. I was never that person. Actually, I was that person who never really wanted kids, or at least it was never something I talked about doing.
As I got older and ready to be married, I knew that my opinion of having kids would likely change, once I met my husband. Indeed, it did. He used to want 5 kids and I assured him I would never commit to that. Instead, I agreed that we would have 1 kid at a time and then decide if we wanted more.
Secretly, I had the idea of 2 kids in my head. I do remember seeing many different family giveaways and it was always interesting to me how it would be for a family of 4 – two parents and two kids. This sounded like a good plan to me. Having more than 2 kids would mean we had to pay for the 3rd kid ourselves, if we ever won a trip. I know that is silly, but it is really how I thought.
Parenthood is tough and I just didn’t feel cut out to have a basketball team sized offspring on my hands. When we found out our 2nd child was a boy I was ridiculously ecstatic, because I knew it would be easier to convince my husband that we were done. He got his boy.
Ready to be Done Family Planning
In my head our family was complete! My husband was okay with being done, but he had not arrived to such a final decision as I had.
I would have been very upset by a 3rd pregnancy, but my husband would have been ok. The fact that we weren’t on the same page meant I for sure needed some sort of birth control method.
Birth Control Methods
After two un-medicated births, I was ready to NEVER do that again. Again, I was done. I begged Vic to get a vasectomy, but he was 100% against that. I’d tried birth control during the first year of our marriage and just didn’t like how it affected my body.
So here we were risking it every month as I opted for the calendar method for my choice of birth control. Thankfully, it worked. However, I was just not comfortable with the possibility of that method failing and it was starting to give me much anxiety. I told Vic we needed to start using condoms. I was sure that would make him run to the doc for a vasectomy. Instead, he just went to the store to buy a box of condoms.
Deciding to have a Tubal Ligation
Then, during a conversation with one of my pregnant friends, we started talking about how she was getting her tubes tied during her planned c-section. A light bulb went off for me and I realized I could have a tubal ligation. I definitely didn’t want a hysterectomy, because the recovery for that is much longer. So, I made an appointment to see my gynecologist and discuss having a tubal ligation.
Of course, the first question that as a married woman is if your husband agrees with you having this procedure. Before scheduling the procedure, my doctor told me to go home and have one last discussion with my husband then call and schedule it.
I am sharing some things I think are important to cover in that final family planning conversation.
5 Tips for Confidently Deciding to be Done Having Kids
1. Consider the opinions and thoughts of your spouse.
As a woman, it is easy to say, “my body, my choice”. However, once you are married, your bodies actually “belong” to each other. As a unit, the two of you have to make decisions that you both can support. Notice I didn’t say “Agree on”. You may not always agree, especially in terms of family planning, but you ultimately need the support of your spouse, before making any final decisions. If you want to be done, but he absolutely does not, you may need to seek professional help for how to move forward. Do not be ashamed to get help.
Spring Sale at us.SHEIN.com! No code required. Offer expires 3/21/2021.2. Forget the Opinions of Others.
When I would tell people, I didn’t want anymore kids, they would say things like “oh no, but you guys are such good parents” or “but you make such cute kids” or “Just have one more”. None of that matters. What you and your spouse choose should not be influenced by anyone outside of your marriage. At the end of the day, family planning responsibilities are yours. You care for your kids and support them financially. This is why no one else should have a say in your choice. Which brings me to my next tip…
3. Choose to be Guilt-free about your decision.
Do not let anyone make you feel guilty for deciding to be done having kids. Again, your household is your responsibility and nobody else’s. I experienced a bit of guilt as I thought about all the couples who are unable to conceive. I felt guilty that I was wanting to get my tubes as they would give anything to have kids. While it is natural to have empathy for those couples, I quickly realized that I could not make my decision based off that guilt. My husband and I had to be confident in our decision and remove all guilt.
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A Tubal ligation is only one of the methods for permanent birth control. Your husband could get a vasectomy, or you could get a full hysterectomy. You could also choose the less permanent, but more traditional method of being on some form of birth control for the rest of your menstruating years. Be sure to research all the methods and discuss them together. Consider the cost, recovery time, maintenance, and reliability of each method.
Spring Accessories at us.SHEIN.com! No code required. Offer expires 3/21/2021.5. Pray about your decision.
For me, my prayers began as soon as I found out I was pregnant with our 2nd child. I prayed so hard for God to allow us to have a boy so we could be done. I had many conversations with God about knowing my heart and my desires to be done having children. When we found out it was a boy, I immediately considered that confirmation that I could be done having kids. Once I brought the idea of tubal ligation to my husband, we also prayed and made sure God was part of our decision. If you are praying person, I highly recommend you do the same, to have more peace about your decision.
Your turn! Comment and let me know if you are done or do you want more kids?
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