The Ultimate Guide to Avoid Losing Yourself in Motherhood

Losing yourself in motherhood is real. This is for moms on a journey to find the Harmony in Motherhood and Ambition.

Losing Yourself in Motherhood: My Experience

On June 25, 2015, everything changed when my daughter, my first child, was born. The immediate love I felt was undeniable, but along with that joy came a concern. I realized that my life seemed like it would now revolve entirely around my child. No more spontaneous girls’ trips, no leisurely naps, no quiet Saturday mornings, and saying goodbye to carefree baecations. The thought of losing my thriving career added to the sense of impending change.

Despite the gift that motherhood is, it still felt like everything was changing and I was losing control of my life. The first year of motherhood turned out to be unexpectedly lonely. We had just moved to a new duty station. So, I had no friends, and I had left my job as in Non-profit management to be a stay-at-home mom. The plan was to return to work after a year at this duty station. I was working on my Master’s but it wasn’t enough for me. I was enjoying my time with my daughter and my husband in a new State, but there was still something missing. Though I was hopeful of what the future would have in store for me, I didn’t feel completely fulfilled.  I also didn’t get any break from the duties of motherhood for that whole year!

Yes, I embraced that season of my life and was grateful for the experience, but I knew this is not what the rest of my life would look like. I made a commitment to myself that once we moved to the next duty station, I would find me again! I know my experience is common among moms, but I’m here to encourage you not to fear—your life is far from over! You have the power to make sure your life is full and thriving.

How to Trust God in Difficult Times

What Does it Mean to Lose Yourself as a Mom

Losing yourself is the process of losing your multi-layered identity as an individual and assuming a single identity – being a mom.  Let’s be real. You were a whole person before having kids. You had dreams, desires, interests, hobbies, friends, etc. All of these things made you who you are and gave you a sense of fulfillment. Intentionally or unintentionally giving up who you are as an individual, because you became a mother is both unfulfilling and unhealthy.

Though your responsibilities change drastically once becoming a mother, you are still you! When you ignore that fact, it can lead you down a road of depression and/or resentment. I know you have heard the saying about not being able to pour from an empty cup. You empty your cup when you decide not to nurture your authentic self. You empty your cup when you do not allow yourself to have the things and experiences that make you feel ALIVE!

When your cup is empty you lack ambition and can almost become a robot living the same life every single day; waking to care for your kids, work (if that applies to you), eat, sleep and wake to do it all over again. Your life goes into auto pilot and you don’t even realize it. You lose yourself.

You must admit, a life on autopilot is boring, unfulfilling and depressing. Ask yourself, would you want that kind of life for your kids? Your answer is likely NO! So, if you wouldn’t want your kids growing up only to live a life on autopilot, then that shouldn’t be the life you want for yourself.

Why Women Lose Themselves in Motherhood

Honestly, women lose themselves in motherhood in a very organic way. You become a mom and instinctively put all your efforts into being the best darn mom you could possibly be to your child. In addition to that, there are many societal expectations and pressure put on mothers to prioritize their children over themselves. Mothers are made to feel like if they do something for themselves, then they are selfish. Mother are judged in so many ways and considered “bad moms” for doing anything that is not centered around their children.

My challenge to you is to silence all the judgement, societal expectations and focus on what really matters- finding the harmony of taking care of yourself and your family.

Practical Ways to Overcome Self-Doubt

The Best Advice for New Moms

If you are a new mom or expecting your first child soon, you are doing the right thing in reading this blog! Being proactive about not losing yourself in motherhood is the most important step. Kids are demanding and often their demands cannot be overlooked or deferred. This means you cannot be reactive, when it comes to making time for you to enjoy the things that bring you joy. There will always be a child-centered task on your to-do list. Make the decision early in your motherhood journey that you will not let that list be the only tasks you prioritize in life.

Nurturing Happiness: How to Be a Happy Mom

Sustainable happiness and embracing joy stems from the harmonious coexistence of nurturing your children and preserving your individuality. It is important to acknowledge that motherhood might entail temporary sacrifices, and at times, other aspects of your identity may take a backseat. While these sacrifices can be necessary during certain life stages, it’s equally crucial to plan for a return to your authentic self beyond the role of a mother. As you embrace the joy of motherhood, also envision a future where you reclaim the facets of yourself that contribute to your overall happiness and fulfillment. Balancing these elements is key to not only being a happy mom but also being a content and wholehearted individual.

Dealing with Mom Anxiety

Dealing with mom anxiety is a common challenge, and it’s crucial to acknowledge that it’s okay not to have it all figured out. Once I became a mom, I feel like anxiety hit my hard. Managing anxiety in the whirlwind of motherhood involves adopting practical tips to find inner calm. Take moments to pause, breathe deeply, and ground yourself in the present. Equally important is recognizing the comforting truth that God invites us to cast our anxieties on Him, as stated in 1 Peter 5:7. Creating a support network of friends and fellow moms can provide a safe space for sharing experiences and seeking advice. Additionally, don’t hesitate to seek professional help to prevent the anxiety from becoming overwhelming.

Remember, addressing mom anxiety is an ongoing process, and embracing a combination of self-care, mindfulness, professional support, and the comforting promise of casting our anxieties on God is a proactive step towards a healthier and more balanced state of mind.

7 Proven Methods to Rediscover Your Inspiration

Dealing with Mom Guilt

Mom guilt is a real struggle, often leading moms to abandon their individuality. While it’s natural to aspire to be the best mom, we must avoid neglecting our authentic selves in the pursuit of being a “supermom.” Dealing with mom guilt requires self-compassion. Instead of self-criticism, acknowledge that you’re doing your best. Taking time for self-care is not selfish but vital for overall well-being. Embrace imperfections, understanding that no one is a perfect parent. Seek support from a community of fellow moms and remember, a fulfilled and authentic mom is better equipped to nurture her children.

What is Ambition

• Ambition is simply a strong desire to achieve something. Ambition does not have to be limited to your career or education. You can be ambitious in many ways and in any area of your life. Ambition is not a one-size-fits-all concept; rather, it is a deeply personal and multifaceted quality that propels individuals towards their goals. If you have a strong desire to strengthen your friendships, being ambitious is intentionally working towards that. Maybe you have a strong desire to heal from past trauma – you are ambitious as you put in the work towards that healing. Moral of the story, mama, you are ambitious, even if right now all your ambition has been focused on being a good mom to your child. I love that now you are thinking about other ways to be ambitious, in addition motherhood!

The Best Tips for Setting Short Term Goals

Essential Resources for Moms with Ambition

Check out these books, quotes, and affirmations that you can utilize to help you on your journey to avoid losing yourself in motherhood.

20 Motherhood Quotes for Ambitious Women to Avoid Losing Yourself in Motherhood

1. “The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.” – Alice Walker

2. “Embrace the glorious mess that you are.” – Elizabeth Gilbert

3. “She believed she could, so she did.” – R.S. Grey

4. “The only limit to our realization of tomorrow will be our doubts of today.” – Franklin D. Roosevelt

5. “You have within you right now, everything you need to deal with whatever the world can throw at you.” – Marie Forleo

6. “Your only limit is you.” – Unknown

7. “You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.” – C.S. Lewis

8. “You don’t make progress by standing on the sidelines, whimpering and complaining. You make progress by implementing ideas.” – Shirley Chisholm

9. “The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

10. “Your life is your story, and the adventure ahead of you is the journey to fulfill your own purpose and potential.” – Kerry Washington

11. “She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.” – Proverbs 31:25 (NLT)

12. “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” – Philippians 4:13 (NKJV)

13. “Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans.” – Proverbs 16:3 (NIV)

14. “She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.” – Proverbs 31:26 (ESV)

15. “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” – Jeremiah 29:11 (ESV)

16. “If you want to fly, you have to give up the things that weigh you down.” – Toni Morrison

17. “The only way to do great work is to love what you do.” – Steve Jobs

18. “You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.” – Maya Angelou

19. “Ambition is enthusiasm with a purpose.” – Frank Tyger

20. “The question isn’t who’s going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me.” – Ayn Rand

 Powerful Bible Verses to Read for Encouragement

Best Books for Ambitious Moms to Avoid Losing Yourself in Motherhood

Recommendations for books that empower and inspire mothers to pursue their ambitions.

1. “#GIRLBOSS” by Sophia Amoruso

An empowering memoir that chronicles the rise of the founder of Nasty Gal, offering valuable lessons for women pursuing their entrepreneurial ambitions.

2. “Drop the Ball: Achieving More by Doing Less” by Tiffany Dufu

Dufu shares her personal journey of striving for perfection and how she learned to let go, providing practical advice for ambitious moms on finding balance.

4. “The Ambition Decisions: What Women Know About Work, Family, and the Path to Building a Life” by Hana Schank and Elizabeth Wallace

A collection of stories and insights from successful women on their career and life choices, exploring the intersection of ambition and motherhood.

4. “I’m Judging You: The Do-Better Manual” by Luvvie Ajayi

Luvvie Ajayi’s humorous and insightful book challenges societal norms and encourages readers, including moms, to embrace authenticity and make positive choices in various aspects of their lives.

5. “Year of Yes: How to Dance It Out, Stand In the Sun and Be Your Own Person” by Shonda Rhimes

Shonda Rhimes, the acclaimed television producer, shares her journey of saying “yes” to new experiences and opportunities. This inspiring book encourages moms to step out of their comfort zones and embrace personal growth.

6. “The Source of Self-Regard: Selected Essays, Speeches, and Meditations” by Toni Morrison

Toni Morrison’s collection of essays explores themes of identity, self-worth, and societal expectations. Her profound insights inspire mothers to reflect on their individuality and embrace the power of self-regard.

7. “Becoming” by Michelle Obama

In her memoir, former First Lady Michelle Obama shares her personal journey, including the challenges and triumphs of balancing motherhood, career, and public life. “Becoming” is a powerful and inspiring narrative that resonates with moms seeking to maintain their identity.

8. “This Is Me: Loving the Person You Are Today” by Chrissy Metz

Known for her role in the TV series “This Is Us,” Chrissy Metz’s memoir delves into her experiences and the lessons she has learned about self-love and acceptance. Her candid storytelling provides encouragement for moms navigating their own paths while embracing who they are.

15 Affirmations to Avoid Losing Yourself in Motherhood

These affirmations serve as positive reminders for moms, encouraging you to embrace your personal aspirations and maintain a sense of self amid the joys and responsibilities of motherhood.

1. I am a multi-dimensional woman with dreams and ambitions beyond motherhood.
2. My aspirations matter, and I am worthy of pursuing them.
3. I embrace the balance between being a dedicated mom and nurturing my personal goals.
4. My identity is not solely defined by motherhood; I am a whole and unique individual.
5. I have the strength to pursue my ambitions while being a loving and present mom.
6. Every step I take toward my goals is a positive example for my children.
7. I honor my passions and talents, knowing they contribute to my overall well-being.
8. My dreams are valid, and I am capable of achieving them alongside my motherhood journey.
9. I am not selfish for prioritizing my personal growth and aspirations.
10. I find joy in every aspect of my life, both as a mom and as an individual with dreams.
11. My ambitions bring fulfillment and purpose to my life.
12. I am resilient and capable of overcoming challenges on my journey to success.
13. My children benefit from seeing me pursue my passions and live authentically.
14. I am deserving of self-care and dedicated time for my personal pursuits.
15. I trust in my ability to create a harmonious life that includes both motherhood and my ambitions.

Affirmations Tip: if you are married you can replace any of the mom-related words with words related to marriage and being a wife. Remember, losing yourself in marriage is very similar to losing yourself in motherhood

Powerful Life-Changing Affirmations for Women in Business

Special Tips for Stay at Home Moms

For the stay at home moms, I know it is even harder to maintain your identity as a woman. When you are with your kids 24/7 it is so easy to be totally consumed by motherhood, even though there are often many signs that you need a break. With the kids in your face for most of the day, it can feel like you just can’t get a break. Trust me when I say, it is vital that you to prioritize your own needs as well.

5 Things Every Stay at Home Mom Should Do

(…really any mom, but especially a SAHM)

1. Leave the house as much as you can withstand.

Just because you are a stay at home mom, doesn’t mean you have to physically stay home. Create a schedule that includes leaving the house multiple days a week. You can find playgroups, schedule play dates, take the kids on fun outings.

2. Make nap time or quiet time a requirement.

Young kids need Naps. There are developmentally age-appropriate sleep expectations.   Don’t stress if your kid’s sleep patterns are different than this chart, but you can use this as a guide if you aren’t sure where to start. Now that my kids are older, I replaced nap time with quiet time. The duration varies based on how much of a break I need. During this time they go to their rooms and do individual, quiet activities ( read, play, color, draw, etc.). I do not normally care what they do, as long it is quiet and they do not come out of their room until the time we agreed upon.

Use this time to rest, catch up on work, read watch tv, do chores, or whatever you choose. I sometimes give myself a rule that I have to do something other than work or chores, just to give my brain a real break.

3. Build a community of support.

You cannot do this stay at home mom life alone! You need the support of other moms and friends to help you stay sane during this time of your life. As mentioned in #1, you can schedule play dates and other activities with other moms to give you and your kids some social time.

4. Hire a good sitter.

You need a break! Even if you have convinced yourself that you are ok and handling it well, you still need a break. You need time away from your kids to refill your cup and rejuvenate. Go see a movie, have a girl’s night, take yourself to lunch, go on a date with your husband, etc. The goal is to do something for yourself and have a break from your mom duties. Keep a good sitter on deck and don’t wait until the last minute to find one! If your plan is to regularly take the breaks you deserve and need, you cannot risk being without a trusted sitter.

5. Create a daily schedule.

Being at home with kids becomes much less hectic when there is a sense of order in place. You can create a daily schedule that you loosely follow to organize your day. This should include your morning routine, meals, snacks, naps, quiet time, playtime, electronics time, learning time, evening routine, etc. I recommend printing this schedule and keeping it someplace where you and the kids can always see it. Before my kids could read I created a schedule with images. Trust me, the schedule will be a game changer, if you have never done it before.

Practical tips for Work from home Moms

A Special Note for Married Moms

As a mom and wife, I know you are on double duty. The end of your day is not spent decompressing alone if you have a loving hubby around. Devoting time to both your kids, your husband, and yourself is tough. The good news is that everything I touch on in this blog post also applies to you as a married woman. Many wives also lose themselves in marriage. My goal is to give you the tools to maintain your identity as a woman, in addition to your identity as a mother and wife.

A Special Note for Career Moms

Just as it’s possible to lose yourself in the realms of motherhood and marriage, a thriving career also poses the risk of overshadowing your identity. While a successful career brings fulfillment, it’s crucial to avoid letting it define your entire sense of self. As a career mom, managing multiple responsibilities, it’s essential to find a sense of harmony that prevents neglecting your family and individuality, while pursuing excellence in your professional life. The key, as in any aspect of life, lies in finding a harmonious blend that works for you. Make dedicated time for your spouse, kids, friends, and personal hobbies – whatever holds significance in your life. Everything I share in this post is to help guide you in maintaining your identity as a successful individual and career woman.

Every Mom Should Do These 5 Things To Avoid Losing Yourself in Motherhood

Doing these 5 things will guarantee that you are focusing on what matters to find harmony in being a mother and ambitious woman. As you read them take note of how you are or aren’t currently implementing each one in your life.

1. Explore Who You Are To Avoid Losing Yourself in Motherhood

This is the most important step. Again, motherhood changes you, so you may consciously choose to let go of some parts of you. You may find that certain behaviors or interests truly won’t fit into your new life as a mother and that is ok; so long as you make that decision for yourself.

Do a self-assessment of your likes, dislikes, interests, hobbies, habits, friends, wants, dreams, goals, etc. Consider everything that makes you who you are and everything you want to be. Then commit to not letting motherhood compromise that. I know this sounds easier said than done, but it starts with a commitment in your mind!

You can also use my Goal Assessment Worksheet to help with your self-discovery process. It will allow you to identify every area of life that matters to you and then you can decide what it means to win in that area. From there you can then map out your goals for each area.

2. Embrace your “AND” Era to Avoid Losing Yourself in Motherhood

You are more than capable of doing the things your heart desires, even though you are a mom. Many moms live with an “or mindset”. I challenge you to start living with an “and mindset”.

Friend, you can be a mom AND work. You can be a mom AND go to school, travel, start a business, hike, go on girl’s trips, date your husband…all the things! 

You may need to figure out the resources and/or scheduling aspect of it all, but don’t let that stop you! Do the things you love and pursue your dreams because you are a mom!

3. Explain your Needs to your Village to Avoid Losing Yourself in Motherhood

Establish clear boundaries to balance personal time with family responsibilities. Communicate openly with your spouse and children about your need for personal space and time. Setting boundaries helps create a healthy balance between being a devoted wife and mother while also honoring your individual needs.

Let your family know you don’t want to lose your authentic self after becoming a mom. Allow them and challenge them to support you on this journey. Let them watch the kids when you need to be away. Listen to them when they encourage you to make time for you.

I have personally talked to people who have said “I don’t even invite moms to things, because they either can’t go or never want to”. This is a common assumption that people have of mothers. They assume that moms are too busy being moms and have no desire for things outside of their families.

That’s a whole lie!

4. Cherish Your Friendships, New and Old

This goes right along with talking to your support crew, but deserved it’s own paragraph. One of the first steps to losing yourself in motherhood is letting go of your friendships. I know friendships change as you grow and become a mother, but make an effort to stay in contact with the right friends and even build new friendships. Having friends during motherhood is a game changer. You need people to hang out with, vent to, check up on you, etc.

Your husband, partner, or your children shouldn’t be your only source of “friendship”. We all need to find our people outside of our households. There is something about friendship that makes you feel like a human being. Interactions with friends remind you that you are good for more than just wiping butts, referring fights between siblings, and serving snacks.

5. Make Yourself a Priority to Avoid Losing Yourself in Motherhood

To avoid losing yourself in motherhood, you have to let go of guilt and start putting yourself first, when possible. This means you have to put YOU on your schedule. Start making time to nurture yourself. Find ways to incorporate self-care and self-investing into your schedule. RSVP to that networking group. Schedule that brunch with your friends. Apply for the job. Plan that girl’s trip. Start the business that has been on your mind for years. Apply to school. Sign up for those piano lessons. Say yes to volunteering at church. Set aside alone time to read.

Whatever it is- I know you have desires outside of motherhood and you deserve to give space to those things in your life. This is how you avoid losing yourself in motherhood.

How to Find Yourself After Losing Yourself to Motherhood

If you are already feeling like you have lost yourself, the good news is you aren’t too far gone! Admitting that you need to find yourself is a huge step. You can use the same advice and resources in this blog post to find yourself again. No matter what stage of motherhood you are in, these tools will get you back on track to embracing your individuality.

Fact: Being a Good Mom is Not about Neglecting Yourself

There is a misconception that self-sacrifice is the only way to be a good mother. Moms have been convinced to sacrifice EVERYTHING, including our own well-being and mental health to be a good mom. Truth be told, you will be a much better mom when your well-being is cared for and you are mentally healthy. Take the things you have learned in this article to heart. Your well-being is not a joke. Your children deserve a healthy, joyful, loved, flourishing, and successful mother. They cannot get that version of you if you neglect yourself and lose yourself in motherhood.

Useful Tips for Moms Returning to Work

The Wrap Up

This blog serves as a compass for moms navigating the intricate journey of motherhood while preserving their individuality. Remember, being a good mom does not equate to neglecting yourself. Embrace the “and” mindset, understanding that you can be a devoted mother and pursue your personal goals. Take charge of your identity, communicate your needs to your support system, and prioritize self-care. By following the practical tips and insights shared here, you can embark on a path of harmonious coexistence between motherhood and your unique aspirations. Let this be a reminder that you are deserving of a life filled with joy, fulfillment, and success both as a mom and as an individual. Your journey is uniquely yours—embrace it with confidence and purpose.

Your Turn

Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section. Tell me what part of this post speaks to you the most. What are you doing well to avoid losing yourself in motherhood? What do you need to work on? Do you need support in any area?

Subscribe for More

If you enjoyed this blog post on not losing yourself to motherhood, be sure to subscribe so you do not miss a thing. This is your ultimate source of life lessons and encouragement for women and moms. If you want to support me even more, share this blog with other moms who might benefit from the information.

Disclosure: I love sharing my fav things with you all. So, this page may contain affiliate links, which means I may earn some money when you click on one. Read the full disclaimer here